


Hold on

by purplefox



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Oneshot, Trying to move on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 01:03:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20165563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: Kougami was not the type to stay or be held on to. Ginoza has to walk away.





	Hold on

He was not the type to stay, never the type one could hold onto. Ginoza had know that from the very start. His heart had not wanted to listen. He had known better from the beginning but his longing and the past kept him beating the same wall over and over. The system was a good excuse. He could hold him close.

Or at least he could until everything was flipped over on him. He sighed as he looked down into the dark water. Having no one to really confide in these last months had taken its toll. He had worked and worked, kept silent and kept to himself. No matter the loss, no matter the pain or the loneliness.

Some things would never be fixed and some things could never be gotten back. His father was one. So many years wasted, so many things left unsaid that now would always remain unsaid. He could not say anything about that. Now Kougami, they were always going to remain unsolved.

Maybe it was better that way, no matter what he did he could not understand or predict him and it seemed that Kougami was the same way. “Kou.” He shook his head as he tugged at his coat. The wind was chilly. It had been a while since he had been out in the night on his own. It felt strange, it felt good.

He could reminisce as he pleased, he owed his time to no one. It was painful as expected but at the same time, at the back of his head he was looking forward to this new blank slate, after all what could he really do about Kougami? He had tried and failed to save him. Not just once but twice it was time to throw in the towel.

Ginoza had his own problems now. He rubbed his arms along his shoulders ignoring the faint sounds of traffic behind him. The dark water looked so peaceful or maybe that was his mind. The entire thing was over or at least his part in it. So many truths, so many evils. Things were finally solved and what could he do about it?

The sound of footsteps on the cobblestones made him tense slightly. A path towards him, was it that time already? He had sworn that he would have had a little more time but that time was up. he was not even that mad about it all. All good things came to an end after all. He looked in time to see the man in the suit.

Familiar but of course he should be. Like Kougami an old school mate. Just one that had escaped the system. He had moved far but some people remained in touch in strange ways. A simple school pin moved back and forth that had different meanings depending on what accompanied it.

“Nobu.” Sai said softly. “Are you ready to go?”

“I thought I had a bit longer but it is fine.” He shrugged before he slipped his hand into his pocket. He would not be needing that collar anymore. He sent it into the dark water. “We can go now.”

“No goodbyes?” Sai’s dark eyes were curious. “You sure you want to leave like this? We can at least stop by the office.”

“I did what I had to do. The note I left…” A thank you and a farewell. “That is more than enough.”

“Kougami-san is going to be pissed when he knows you’re with me.” Sai sighed before he smiled. “Oh well it’s his loss. I know I said this before.” Sai said softly as Ginoza walked past him. “But I love the hair.”

“A new beginning. Of sorts.” It was easier than he thought to grab onto Sai’s hand and smile. “I don’t like to be late Sai.”

“I hear you.” Sai grinned. “But first we get you settled then my superiors want to meet with you. No chance of being late.” His hand was warm and the first proper contact that Ginoza had experienced for a while. Would anyone miss him? He doubted it.

X

“Don’t tempt me Nobu.” Sai stood outside the shower with towels. “Leaving it open like this. Is it an invitation?” He muttered before he rubbed his face. “Look I think you need time. I might have run you down a bit-“

“Been persistent.” Ginoza pointed out. “It was cute over the years but what’s interesting now.” He turned the hot shower to a warmer temperature and faced Sai as he let the water pour over his body. “You’re retreating.”

“Nothing of the sort.” Sai hissed. “It’s just that, fuck Nobu. Shinya’s been always there.” He gritted. “And even now I don’t want him to be. You left that, you’re coming with me. I never had a chance before even if you let me have a shot before! I need to do the right thing and the right thing.” He swallowed. “Is backing off and letting you settle to a new rhythm.”

“Normally I would agree but I’ve had years being up and close with Shinya and his habits. Some thing you can not change, some things you can not hold onto.” Ginoza whispered as he pushed the door to the glass shower. The towels dropped from Sai’s hand and he stared as Ginoza stood with the water washing over his naked body. “Some times you have to take steps forward.”

“You won’t let me have a single bit of control here. Damn it to hell.” Sai’s shirt was pulled off with urgency and his pants and belt were the next to follow. He slapped a hand next to Ginoza’s head his brown eyes staring at him before he groaned. “Why is it you want to take it slow? I’m always following in your wake Nobu.”

“I know.” Ginoza smiled as he pulled Sai to him. “I was thankful all those years ago.” When he had needed a hand, a body. An ear and many other things. Now Sai was a path and he was thankful. “Now stop stalling.” He whispered and Sai pushed him backwards until they were both under the warm spray.

X

“Your daughter?” Ginoza asked as he caught sight of the photo on the bedside table. “Daughters?” He blinked at the second little girl. That one was new.

“My ex wife’s little girl. I adopted her. Janey.” Sai snorted as he took the photo away. “They’ll love you. They love pretty guys. Dad is pretty boring to them now.” He shrugged before he tugged Ginoza towards the bed. “But that’s fine, I have you to myself and they can just look. I think that’s cool.”

“You’ll never change.” Ginoza allowed himself to be pulled and pushed before he flipped them both. He slowly drew off his tie and let it fall off the bed. “That’s good.”

X

“I have a lot of questions.” The voice was no surprise. What was a surprise was how quickly he had come here. Ginoza had expected weeks or maybe not at all. “I think the first has to be, what the hell are you doing Gino?” Kou had come. He sat on the rooftop almost waiting for him. Smoking that brand of cigarettes that seemed to be some sort of curse. “Sai? Seriously? And you were working for the US? Are you crazy?”

“We needed help.” Ginoza kept his distance. “I was in a bad situation with my hue, there was only one person I could trust. Sai-“ Through middle school, high school. University where they had seen where they both stood. “I needed someone that wouldn’t betray me, that had my best interests at heart.”

“He had your ass at heart.” Kou shot back as his hands made fists. “I thought you were enjoying being a dog but I guess your pride was too much? What did he even want from you? What did you have to do?”

“It’s not as if he gained anything new.” Ginoza was unable to take the scent anymore. He crossed to Kou and yanked the cigarette away. He sent it flying over the roof. “We had slept before.”

“I didn’t know you were slutty like that. He married right outside of University you do know that right?” Kou’s voice was hard. “He ran off and got to escape while the rest-“

“High school.” Ginoza interrupted. “University before his last year.” Bad timing on their parts. “I’ve always known where I stood with Sai. If things were different we could have had something but I had too much to deal with. My mind was not ready.”

“The body was willing but the mind-“ Kou cut himself off. “High school? You slept with him in highschool? Before or after third year?”

“After.” Ginoza pulled away. “It wasn’t as if we had intended it.” Comfort and knowledge that Kou never stayed around. “Shinya you should go.”

“He has a kid.” Kou said softly. “He has a kid and he moved you here and you went? That isn’t like you.”

“I had nothing else.” Ginoza whispered. “No family, no friends.” Kou flinched. “I relied on what I always had.” He met Kou’s eyes. “Sai.”

X

“Sorry about this.” Ginoza smiled before he looked at Sai. “I had no idea that he would come.” He smiled at the apologetic woman that had done nothing but apologize when she had arrived. “But I think this works out.”

“You can stay! This.” She winced. “Sai talked about you all the time! You can stay with us and-“

“Sai deserves someone that can be with him like you.” Ginoza knelt by her side before he cradled her hands. “I’m not that so I am glad you can be.”

X

“The world is a different place now.” Kou was still smoking that damn thing. Ginoza sighed as he stared up at the night sky, the wind was warm. He liked this place. “I always cared about you Gino.”

“I know. you just didn’t stay.” Ginoza could see the stars, they were beautiful.

“You were the one that was so cold!” Kou’s hand on his was not enough to make him turn around. “You were cold to me even when we slept together! and when we worked together it was the same thing! When you say one you have to say the other Gino!”

“I didn’t force you into any of this.” Ginoza pointed out. “I knew how things were and when you started to look at the detective. When you started this game I knew exactly where I stood. It was never about me. Until I left.” He gently brushed Kou’s hand from him. “When I was gone, that was what lit the fire in you. I was always there, always cold to you. Ignoring that I was hurting.” He said softly. “You’re a hard man to hold Kou. Sometimes I get tired.”

“You’re not exactly easy either.” Kou said softly. “But I made the effort, I would still make the effort. Why can’t we- why can’t we start over in this new world? All my ghosts are put to rest and while we both lost lots of things. Lots of friends we still have each other. Or is it Sai now and not me?”

“If it was Sai.” Ginoza gave Kou a long look. “I would have stayed with him after his wife returned.” That made Kou flinch hard. “But he was always a balm for my wounds. We both knew it. Maybe something could have happened if you had stayed away longer. If we had more time maybe it would have been Sai.” Ginoza sighed. “I took the chance and you ruined it Kou.”

“Good.” Kou pressed against him. “Gino, you put a lot into changing yourself but I still see the cute guy with the biggest smile from school.”

“I passed that stage years ago.” Ginoza rolled his eyes. “How unkind of you to bring it up now. How stupid for you to think that this sort of thing is easy to do or even say Kou.”

“Right now.” Kou said softly. “All I want you to do is throw away your phone into the river. That has to have tracking on it. And I want you to take my hand.”

“Where will we even end up?” Ginoza frowned. “You want me to take a chance on this? Take a chance on us and what Kou? Walk into the sunset? You aren’t the type.”

“I’ve laid my ghosts to rest. You would be surprised how mellow that makes me.” Kou shrugged. “For now, why don’t you just take the chance Nobu?”

“Cheater.” Ginoza hissed before he sighed. Then he placed his hand in Kou’s. they had a long way to go but he could at least take the first step. He could do that much.

X

“What did the two of you do? How did you communicate?” Kou’s kisses were hot and the way he had Ginoza caged. Just the feeling drove his head hot. “This had to have been going on for years. How many times did you sleep with him? Where damn it-“ His hand hooked in Ginoza’s pants and he began to drag it off. “When I was an enforcer did you ever- shit.”

“Never when you were an enforcer. Only once before you were.” Ginoza was brutally honest. “At the time of his divorce. He came back…” He groaned at the deep bite to his neck. “To Japan.”

“Shit.” His pants were throw to the side along with Kou’s own. “He touched you recently. Damn it, he got this sexy body.” His fingers pressed and trailed along Ginoza’s body. “Before I did that prick. Never again you hear? Nobu you’re mine.” The next bite was possessive. “Don’t give yourself to others so easily! Take what’s yours!”

X

After the shield of darkness came dawn. Ginoza gently stroked Kou’s face as he watched him sleep. His body was tired, he had been licked and sucked all over. Rather enjoyable. It had been nice seeing Kou’s desperate face for one. Maybe what he needed was Kou to chase him just one time. “You haven’t changed a bit Shinya.” He whispered into his ear. “You’re still the thing I want the most.”

Letting go, it seemed impossible now but that did not seem so bad. Kou was the one who was demanding for Ginoza to hold on tight this time. They had a lot to go through, a lot to talk about but Ginoza had chosen him. That was enough for now.


End file.
